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Factscinator's avatar

Ministry of Silly ‘Viruses’

[Scene: A small, drab office at the Ministry of Silly ‘Viruses.’ Mr. TestTube enters, walking with an exaggeratedly silly viral “drift” – a staggered, mutation-prone stride. He eventually reaches his desk and sits down. Mr. RNA is already seated across from him, nervously clutching a petri dish]

Mr. TestTube: Good morning.

Mr. RNA: Good morning, sir.

Mr. TestTube: What can I do for you?

Mr. RNA: Well, sir, I have a silly virus, and I’d like to obtain a government grant to help me develop it.

Mr. TestTube: [Leaning forward with interest] A silly virus, you say? Splendid! May I see it?

Mr. RNA: Yes, certainly, yes.

[Mr. RNA stands up, wobbling slightly with an exaggerated, stumbling gait reminiscent of a ‘virus’ struggling through mutation. The effort is mild and unimpressive, barely a blip on the ‘viral’ silliness radar.]

Mr. TestTube: That’s it, is it?

Mr. RNA: Well, yes, that’s it, yes.

Mr. TestTube: [Slightly disappointed] It’s not particularly silly, is it? I mean, the replication isn’t silly at all. Just a predictable sequence of A, C, G, T; no wild insertions, no unexpected deletions, and not even a furry cleavage site! [He punctuates his words with dramatic, energizing hand movements, mimicking the presentation of a ‘furry cleavage site.’]

Mr. RNA: Yes, but I think that with government backing, I could make it very silly indeed.

Mr. TestTube: [Considering] Hmm… possibly. But you see, we’ve already got a whole line up of silly ‘viruses’ – bird flu, monkeypox, and numerous other made-up ones that didn’t quite catch on. It’s a crowded field, you know. The funding is tight unless your ‘virus’ is really absurd.

Mr. RNA: Well, sir, I’m not asking for more than the grant given to bird flu last year, and I was really getting into my strain. [He demonstrates again, this time making another half-hearted attempt at mutation, followed by a lacklustre hop as if jumping species - one hand on his hip and the other arm raised like a kettle’s spout]

Mr. TestTube: [Leaning back, amused] Yes, but the problem is, it’s not particularly silly, is it? Now, I don’t mean to be rude, but it just lacks that… you know… pandemic potential.

Mr. RNA: I see.

Mr. TestTube: However, I think I can recommend a few steps to help develop your ‘virus.’

Mr. RNA: Oh, thank you, sir. What should I do?

Mr. TestTube: Well, start by ‘isolating’ in a nice thick soup of genetic material. Like this. [He gestures dramatically, mimicking a ‘virus’ stealthily swimming through a mix of cellular debris.] Then, endure the pain of being poisoned by antibiotics. [He winces, clutching his stomach. Then, shuffles with a crazed, zigzagging walk as if trying to escape an invisible enemy.] And finally, swim in bovine foetal serum! [He breaks the swimming motion, hiding his head in his hands, and groaning as if haunted by the ghosts of unborn calves.]

Mr. RNA: Ah, yes. I see what you mean, sir.

Mr. TestTube: And then, when the researchers start their so-called “isolation process,” you can cause all sorts of cytopathic effects in the cell cultures. Really make them think they’ve found something dangerous. Try it again.

[Mr. RNA attempts to act out the ‘virus’ causing cytopathic effects by wobbling his arms and making exaggerated frowns. He adds a few feeble, half-hearted jerks as if trying to ‘infect’ invisible cells, but the result resembles a twitching zombie more than a convincing ‘viral’ assault.]

Mr. RNA: It’s difficult.

Mr. TestTube: Well, it’s just a matter of practice. It’s not something you can just pick up overnight. But if you’re prepared to be poisoned by antibiotics, heavy metal stains, and pretend PCR results ‘prove’ your existence, I can give you a grant.

Mr. RNA: [Brightening up] Oh, thank you very much, sir. I will do my best to continue the fraud.

Mr. TestTube: Right, you can pick up the grant form at the desk outside. We’ve got plenty of funds for something this silly. In fact, the more nonsensical, the better!

Mr. RNA: [Grinning] Thank you very much, sir.

Mr. TestTube: Good luck! And remember, if all else fails, just get a friend in a lab coat to draw some arrows on an electron microscope image. That always does the trick.

[Mr. RNA exits, doing a silly ‘viral’ dance, as Mr. TestTube leans back, thoroughly pleased with the absurdity of his job.]

Jayne Doe's avatar

An Invisible Enemy. How convenient.

Yorianne's avatar

It's sorcery. Pharmakeia.

INGRID C DURDEN's avatar

So millions of people have been diagnosed with a virus infection. Millions of doctors prescribe meds for that virus. But there is no virus. It would be funny if it were not so horrible. My cousin took her seven months old to the pediatrician (another disaster if you ask me) and after taking 4 rounds of antibiotics for an ear infections the kid developed even worse fever and another ear infections. Viral! they are now going to put tubes in the babies ears. I am saying a little prayer that the child may survive his parents and grand-parents, all devoted doctor-adorers.

Cheri Murray's avatar

They should try not poisoning the baby with vaccines. Ear infections are a known side effect.

INGRID C DURDEN's avatar

This is in Belgium though - they do not jab like crazy like here in the US. May be got one so far, I think the polio is still obligatory before age 1. Idon't think they do flu jabs on such young kids either.

yantra's avatar

ear infections were also very common in the US in the much less vaxxed 1950s & 60s. i know because i kept getting them.

INGRID C DURDEN's avatar

yes, I date back to then, too! I was in Europe, and had many ear infections, then had nose polips removed and tonsils peeled (they did not take them out back then, thank God) and that stopped the ear infections, but not the endless colds. Of course, poor mom never realized that the 'bottle for the cough' the doc prescribed were antibiotics, that completely ruined my immune system, until at 14 I had pneumonia and finally a specialist realized what had been going on, prescribed something else, plus vitamins, which ended me being sick. Unfortunately that good med went off the market 3 years later (was not even a prescription drug) because, per the apothecary, no one got sick anymore when they took it!

yantra's avatar

wow. maybe it was chaga ( :

Kaylene Emery's avatar

It’s an incredible challenge to just stand by….tobe able to tolerate helpless. Especially in the face of adversity to those we love.

I pray a great deal.

INGRID C DURDEN's avatar

that is about all we can do, pray, and hope that the children won't get too badly harmed from all that parents (and grandparents) and their doctors do. It also happens among vets. A friend of mine has a very overweight cat, the vet does tests when the cat refuses yet more food, but all the lady thinks about is the cat won't eat. Now he prescribed osempic for cats, to limit the cat's appetite, and if that won't help, he is going to pull all the poor beast's teeth. I admonished my friend to feed the cat way less, but to no avail. When I went there this week, the dish was again full to overflowing.

yantra's avatar

ozempic for cats??? i can hardly believe it.

Kaylene Emery's avatar

Never underestimate the power of prayer . In my experience it’s more effective than a gun ….minus the instant gratification.

🙏🙏🙏

CD's avatar

Sacrificing babies to the Medical Shamans. 😕

yantra's avatar

my brother went deaf in his youth from numerous "ear tube" assaults. they were doing that even back in the late 1950s - early 60s. i didn't know that scam was still going on.

Cees Mul's avatar

Makes me wonder what exactly was shared late 2019 or early 2020, when 'the Chinese' said they had isolated the SARS-Cov2 genome. Which was supposedly used to develop the (mRNA) based 'vaccines'. I remember it was all over the news. Back then I was naive and assumed all that was true.

By now, I have no idea what exactly happened, and what all those scientists were looking at.

Is this part of the charade?

Gecko1's avatar

It was a computer model.

yantra's avatar

like all the colorful pretty pictures of the spiky "corona virus" spread all over the media.

Chief Justice of Nuremberg 2.0's avatar

Will The Real Bird Flu Images Please Stand Up ft Fauci's Armageddon Bio-weapon, Bio-terrorist Hoax of 2011 https://nuremberg2.substack.com/p/will-the-real-bird-flu-please-stand

CM Maccioli's avatar

Redundant article, nonetheless, can't be repeated often enough. Shows the medical and scientific fraud in spades. No need for commenters dissection as to who's smarter or more astute when the evidence is staring you in the face. Micromanaging is wasteful and silly.

Over 100 years of military and scientific fraud, over and over again, that we the people believed, and still disbelieve we have been lied to, for profit. The government now knows how gullible stupid the American people are. Tell them a fairy tale, a boogyman, a virus that will kill them, and away we go. The greatest purveyor of violence in the world has your number.

Peter Grafström's avatar

Judging from the technological progress during the 20th century it seems to me that the inability to prove virology's paradigm was not because they couldnt but because ignorance was more profitable than actually knowing how illhealth comes about.

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If they had laid down more work to isolate they probably expected it to be harmful to the preservation of the prestige of virology. The idea that the microscopic constituents of our body's machinery ought to be there for a reason beneficial to the survival of the organism seems close at hand in view of the many refined aspects of nature. Or at least not harmful like toxines are. Before WWI the US/UK faced stronger competition from both Russia and Germany. The rising Angloamerican establishment really needed new sources of income.

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Industrially produced medicines offered that. The Medical community didnt begin to use massvaccination at that time, since they realised earlier that the doctors got too few patients if they waited til the patient went to the doctor. But what happened in the 20th century took on a more organised character. Instead of funding high quality science they began to research scientific perception management.

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I am also led to think about Aldous Huxley's analysis and predictions about a coming technological dictatorship. Actually Elon Musk's grandfather was involved in a movement with related intensions. If used for beneficial purposes one might think of it as something constructive. But instead the intelligentia figured out ways to manipulate and brainwash people.

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And part of it was about forming them to profitable customers. It must have struck them as a brilliant insight when they realised they didnt even have to fund high quality science but it would suffice to mould peoples minds.

Factscinator's avatar

ViroLIEgy was birthed out of germ theorists’ inability to prove that bacteria—actual things you can see—are pathogenic. So they conjured an invisible stand-in, the ’virus,’ to prop up their faith in microbe-driven disease. The whole field essentially invented itself without an independent variable, and it’s still missing in action… unless, of course, you’re gullible enough to believe that poisoning monkey kidney cell cultures to trigger cytopathic effects somehow counts as proof of a virus.

Please tell me you don’t subscribe to that so-called “gold standard.”

Or do you?

Peter Grafström's avatar

If you read my comment you wouldnt need to get stuck in your favourite pass time gig

Factscinator's avatar

By the way… poisoning monkey kidney cell cultures to induce cytopathic effects isn’t my favorite gig. That’s the so-called “gold standard” viroLIEgists themselves offer as proof of virus existence. Are you aware of that?

Factscinator's avatar

I have read your comment. Germ theorists were unable to prove bacteria are pathogenic, so they invented an imaginary concept — and with all the technology at the viroLIEgists’ disposal, they’re still unable to prove the existence of a virus with any protocol resembling the scientific method. Your argument in paragraph one is fundamentally incorrect.

Peter Grafström's avatar

My problem is that your attitude is like somebody who has set up a task to police the precinct in a manner of speaking.

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Substack is there for intellectual discourse not for secterist manners trying to push people to the right ideological position.

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The debris naturally occurring every perhaps 24 hours in what? 10^14 cells or something.

Your position seems to me like assuming that there is nothing but waste among the enormous amount of DNA strings and RNA strings and other biomolecules which are flushed out of the metabolism with the body fluids.

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While my position is that I dont know what is in the debris and I dont claim anything in particular.

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It just seems natural that there would be many purposeful components there. Among other reasons that would mean part of the energy consumed would be beneficial to the organisms survival.

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There is an opinion among the establishment that bacteria do have a beneficial role in something I understand as a clensing procedure.

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And that there may be smaller entities than bacteria and other large constituents and smaller entities for more specialised tasks also seems possible.

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It appears highly plausible that evolution would select for a large proportion of beneficial phenomena. And the stage of medical science before the discovery of DNA didnt even have a model to depart from.

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Once it came it showed that biological life resembles a computer program at a time when early computers actually had recently been made to work. And when the Germanium transistor was invented.

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This also inspires the thought that there is a conscious aim behind everything. It might not be an entirely blind random exercise without any intelligent purpose. Be that as it may but I see opportunities for putting all sorts of code snippets to work for the organism.

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If you continue with your insistence I will begin to associate it with the autism spectrum kind of social interaction. An obsession for certain issues and politically correct behaviour.

Factscinator's avatar

Ahhh, Hurricane Waffle-Peter Gaff Storm has blown across Substack again, upending a junkyard of pseudoscience and scattering rusting scraps of metaphors, transistor nostalgia, and cosmic hand-waving in its wake. Let’s see if he can polish even a single piece of this oxidized debris into something resembling an argument.

Since he seems to think waffling substitutes for evidence, let’s give him a very simple, very fair, very public challenge:

Peter, please explain — in lay language or technical jargon, your choice — the actual steps used to ‘isolate’ DNA.

Not poetry.

Not metaphysics.

The protocol. Step by step.

Walk everyone through how you:

🧪 lyse biological material,

🔄 stir, vortex, grind, and chemically brutalize the sample,

🍶 then finally dump alcohol on the slurry until a cloudy, gooey precipitate floats to the top…

…and then declare with a straight face that this tortured biological mush is the “sacred molecule of life,” extracted in a way that supposedly preserves its meaning, structure, and interpretation.

Show the public how the sausage is made.

Once people see what’s actually done to get that gelatinous blob you call “DNA,” the mythology around it dissolves faster than your sample under a heating block.

Your move, Hurricane Waffle-Gaff Storm!!

Gecko1's avatar

That's the Rockefeller Way. The father (more like godfather) of modern allopathic medicine. It's the Rockefeller Way or the highway, baby!

Gecko1's avatar

Every doctor who ever graduated Med Skool learns to shout Heil Rockefeller! 😀

Kaylene Emery's avatar

Blessings and appreciation from Sydney Australia.

Patti Kay Wooldridge RN BSN's avatar

Dr. Royal Raymond Rife isolated the BX Cancer virus after finding it with his Rife Light Microscope back in the 20' or 30's. He could magnify items under the scope live by adjusting the prisms in the scope with the right light wavelength. It allowed him to visualize LIVE Virus and other organisms alive.

Dr. Virginia Livingston MD out of California replicated his work on the BX Cancer Virus. However there were those who denied and suppressed his work. There are only a few of these scopes in the USA today. One was used in California by a microbiologist who said to me that they were using it when working on live HIV virus.

As time goes on many of these things are deliberately or naturally forgotten. New theories pop up and are pushed.

Take Ebola for instance. I have seen pictures of it. Did you know that our government agencies and Fauci are part owners of the patent? Patents are filed so someone makes money from it. Labs pay the patent holders to buy the Virus for research projects. Always follow the money they made gobs of money on this. If it wasn't real, no one would buy it.

The patent office requires evidence that what the patent claims is actually real. I'm just saying don't believe everything new that comes along. I know scientists that have used scanning electron microscopes that have confirmed that viruses indeed do exist. Non scientists have difficulty understanding real science. So just anyones opinion is not scientific.

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Dec 3, 2025
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Factscinator's avatar

LMFAO!! ViroLIEgy has never been practiced honestly — not even by accident.

ViroLIEgy was birthed out of germ theorists’ sheer inability to prove that bacteria — you know, the actual visible organisms — were pathogenic. So, in a stroke of desperation disguised as brilliance, they conjured up an invisible backup dancer called the “virus“ to keep their pathogenic microbe mythology alive. The entire field basically invented itself without an independent variable, and shocker: it’s still missing in action…

Unless, of course, you’re one of those wide-eyed believers who thinks poisoning monkey kidney cell cultures and watching them die is totally legitimate proof of a virus. Because nothing screams “rigorous science” like nuking tissues with toxins and then blaming the carnage on an invisible boogeyman.

Please, PLEASE tell me you don’t subscribe to that so-called “gold standard.”

Or do you?

Roisin Dubh's avatar

Exactly, however I fear your excellent analysis will be ignored, and articles will continue to repeat the cult like adherence to viral denialism. I have made similar points, although not as comprehensive as your comment, and they were completely ignored, and I would get a counter response that did not consider such facts. It is almost as if the authors don't want to believe that viruses exist. Perhaps it is connected to the fear of viruses being used to mandate societies into dangerous treatments. However, that does not justify ignoring empirical evidence.

Factscinator's avatar

Belief doesn’t even enter the chat. What you’re calling “viral denialism” is simply what happens when people actually look under the hood of the viroLIEgy clown-car and realise the whole engine is made of papier-mâché. The gold standard since Enders’ 1950s “measles” magic trick has been the same tired routine: poison monkey kidney cells with a chemical cocktail, watch them die, and then triumphantly announce, “Behold! A virus!”

When proper controls are run — same setup, minus the so-called “infectious” goo — the cells still meet the same grisly end. In other words, the big reveal of viroLIEgy’s Vegas act is that the rabbit was never in the hat to begin with; they just keep killing the hat and calling it science.

Dingo could’ve saved himself a dissertation’s worth of typing if he actually woke up to the foundational pseudoscience his beloved viroLIEgy is built on. A five-year-old with a juice box could spot the scam.

So why can’t you?

JLK's avatar

I am seriously confused - Emergency Use Authorization made PCR tests magically useful??

yantra's avatar

sorry Dingo, but this time i don't think your AlterAI actually is "prioritizing alternative sources over mainstream BS". it's just typical mainstream virus "truth". . . i wonder who is programming i mean "training" this so-called alterAI anyway. caveat emptor.

User's avatar
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Dec 7, 2025
Comment removed
yantra's avatar

well, true.

but in this case (viruses) your "alt AI" does not seem to be prioritizing alternative sources over mainstream BS. like most of us, i believed the mainstream virus tale for decades. now i am not so sure.

you might find microbiologist/virologist Stefan Lanka interesting:

https://odysee.com/@LongXXvids:c/Dr-Stefan-Lanka-Pandemic-Theater---History-of-the-Infection-Theory-(Part-1):3