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🐶📢 BARKING NEWS!! PARVO GOES FULL FETCH THROUGH DOG POPULATIONS WORLDWIDE! 📢🐶

Top dog at Canine Disease Control, Deborah Barks, held a press conference today at CDC houndquarters, assuring the public that a terrifying outbreak of PARVO™ is once again on the loose — despite having been there for decades, ever since quackccination and industrial dog food entered the scene.

Speaking with unwavering paw-thority, Barks warned owners that the disease is highly contagious, pawly understood, and extremely convenient for explaining everything we don’t want to investigate. 🦠✨

Early panic briefly erupted when reporters mistook Barks’ gravelly voice for signs of illness. She dismissed concerns as “nothing but kennel cough,” insisting critics were merely barking up the wrong tree and should sit, stay, and stop asking questions.

🐾 THE KIBBLE CONNECTION? BAD DOG. NO.

Rumors that the Parvo “epidemic” coincided with the rise of industrial kibble in the late 1970s were immediately neutered.

Barks scoffed at suggestions that:

🥣 Mycotoxins

🔥 High-heat extrusion byproducts

☠️ Heavy metals

🪦 Rendered 4D meats

💊 Trace euthanasia drugs

…might cause vomiting, diarrhea, immune collapse, or death.

“That’s absurd,” she said. “Everyone knows only viruses do those things.”

🐕‍🦺 VACCINES: ALWAYS THE GOOD BOYS

When pressed about studies showing only recently vaccinated puppies developing severe disease, Barks wagged dismissively, adding that any puppy who gets sick shortly after vaccination was “probably already sick — just not sick yet.”

🧪 SCIENCE, BUT MAKE IT SOUP

Barks confirmed that Parvo causation is firmly established using the gold standard of modern research:

👉 poisoned cell-culture supernatants administered through routes no dog would ever encounter naturally

“When puppies get sick due to toxins directly injected,” she explained, “we correctly attribute all effects to the ‘virus’ and politely ignore the toxicity of the ingredients.”

🐾 FINAL FETCH

Owners are advised to remain vigilant, avoid asking what else other than viruses could cause these symptoms, and continue purchasing approved foods and injections without question.

Stay tuned for more Barking News as the Parvo™ narrative continues chasing its own tail 🌀

From all of us at Canine News Network, keep those tails wagging, noses twitching, and critical thinking safely buried in the backyard where it belongs. 🦴🐶

Evil Harry's avatar

This ties in nicely with Charles Richets work on Anaphylaxis, where dogs innoculated with a toxin became hyper sensitised to it and died on subsequent exposure.

A part of me wondered if this was the point of the covid jabs.

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