Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Unbekoming's avatar

Author's Note:

Laura Hayes is right that mercury, specifically thimerosal, belongs under Tourette's as a named contributor rather than an unnamed vaccine ingredient.

Love Beyond Extinction's nuclear contamination point is correct. John Gofman's work on low-dose ionizing radiation as a driver of chronic disease deserves direct naming. Nuclear fallout, depleted uranium, and medical imaging sit alongside the other terrain insults.

Renate Lindeman's testimony is what the Down syndrome section was claiming: two daughters with the condition, Gulf War-era Middle East exposure, the UAE incidence numbers, the dental hygienist pattern. Worth reading in full.

David Weiner brought Henry Turkel's nutritional treatment program for Down syndrome, documented from 1940 onward, producing measurable improvements in patients whose chromosomal abnormality remained unchanged. The terrain intervention was developed. The label foreclosed its scaling.

Celiac, Type 1 diabetes, and Type 2 diabetes belong in the catalog. The list of ten was illustrative.

Michael Ivey: both phrasings work, depending on whether you read the label as gatekeeper or as closure.

Factscinator's avatar

MISSING DNA LABS ☣️

🚨 NOW HIRING! 🚨

Position: Senior DNA Inventor

Have you always wanted a career monetizing pseudoscience? 😱🧬

Do you possess the confidence to identify invisible genetic information without ever having to produce it in a directly observable form? 👨‍🔬📜

Can you transform chemical abuse of biological material, mysterious X-shaped patterns, and computational hoop tricks into "the sacred blueprint of life"? 🌍🚨

If so, your future begins here! 🎉

At Missing DNA Labs, our DNA Inventors proudly continue a tradition of finding certainty where lesser minds might demand evidence. 🏆

Ideal candidates must have a proven track record of:

🐄 Ensuring biological material undergoes enough toxic abuse that nobody can accuse you of examining it in its natural state.

🧪 Dissolving, processing, and otherwise chemically encouraging biological material to reveal the answer you were hoping for.

🧵 Stretching precipitates into carefully aligned fibers because apparently nature forgot how to arrange "DNA" correctly.

☢️ Irradiating the highly processed and prepared fibers with X-rays for approximately 62 hours in pursuit of life's deepest secrets.

📸 Confidently assuring everyone the X shaped pattern in Photo 51 is basically the same thing as observing "DNA" in vivo.

💻 Converting highly processed laboratory outputs into complete genetic narratives using advanced computational imagination and several metric tons of assumptions.

🔄 Applying circular reasoning with professional precision by using assumptions to validate conclusions generated from assumptions.

🏅 Preferred Skills:

✅ Ability to explain why extracting, dissolving, purifying, stretching, hydrating, irradiating, photographing, interpreting, modelling, and illustrating something is basically the same thing as directly observing it.

✅ Remaining composed when someone points out that the famous picture wasn't actually a picture and the famous helix wasn't actually seen in the picture.

✅ Advanced proficiency in the scientific art of citing studies that cite studies that cite studies until a hypothesis acquires the appearance of eternal truth.

✅ Capacity to look genuinely puzzled when asked where interpretation ends and observation begins.

🌟 Employee Benefits Include:

💰 Unlimited funding for pseudoscience.

📺 Frequent television appearances as an expert on genetic molecules and mechanisms nobody can demonstrate.

🏆 Opportunities to fabricate exciting new "genetic" discoveries whenever public attention begins to wander.

📈 Generous performance bonuses for converting interpretations into certainty.

Remember:

🪬 At Missing DNA Labs, we don't let a lack of direct evidence get in the way of quarterly earnings and your bonuses. 📈💰💷💶💴💵💰

✨ We simply process the evidence until it learns how to cooperate. ✨

☣️😄🧬

Apply today! 🚀😄

82 more comments...

No posts

Ready for more?