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🍺NUDGE-NUDGE-WINK-WINK😉😉

Scene: A dimly lit pub in Britain 🇬🇧. Mr. Wise to… is seated next to Mr. ViroLiegist, who is nervously supping a pint of warm beer 🍻. Mr. Wise to…, grinning mischievously 😏, leans over.

Mr. Wise to… [Leaning in] “Ello, mate. You, er, work in ‘virology,’ do you? 🧪👨‍🔬”

Mr. ViroLiegist [In a haughty, upper-class accent] “Yes, that’s right.” 😐

Mr. Wise to… [Nods eagerly, twiddling his thumbs 👍]

“Ahhhh, virology, eh? Very important field, eh? 😉 [Winks] Isolate any ‘viruses’ recently? 🤔 [Leans in closer] You know… isolate isolate, wink wink, nudge nudge?” 😏👈

Mr. ViroLiegist: “Well, we don’t really… isolate in the strictest sense.” 😬

Mr. Wise to… [Nods knowingly 🤨] “Oh, don’t you now, eh? Don’t really isolate, wink wink, say no more! 😎

So, uh, you get your little culture dish 🧫, and—what—throw in some monkey kidney cells, eh? 🐒 Give it a little stir, nudge nudge?” 🥄😉

Mr. ViroLiegist: “Well, yes, we introduce cell cultures—” 🧬

Mr. Wise to… “Introduce, eh? 😏 [Winks dramatically] I’ll bet you do! Eh? 👀 [Leans in close, eyes wide] Cytopathic effects, eh? Lovely bit of destruction 🔥, wink wink, say no more!” 🧨

Mr. ViroLiegist: “Well, yes, it’s just part of the process…” 😓

Mr. Wise to… [Interrupts, grinning 😁] “Part of the process, eh? Process, eh? Mixing and matching 🧪, bit of this, bit of that – eh? All gets a bit complicated, don’t it? 🤯 [Leans back, crossing his arms smugly 😌] I bet there’s PCR involved, eh? Eh? 📈 Amplifying things that aren’t really, you know – wink wink, say no more!” 🤫

Mr. ViroLiegist: “We use PCR to—” 🧫🧬

Mr. Wise to… [Leans forward, raising his eyebrows repeatedly 👀👀👀]

“Ohhh, I bet you do! PCR – right between the old ’genes’, eh? 🧬 Amplify this, amplify that – nudge nudge, lovely bit of sequences, eh?” 🧵📊

Mr. ViroLiegist [Awkwardly]... “Well, it’s to detect—” 😓

Mr. Wise to… “Detect, eh? 🧐 [Grinning wider 😄] Oh, I bet you detect all sorts of things! Bits of ‘RNA’ floating about in the old soup 🍜, eh? No need for anything pure, eh? Just a bit of random genetic detritus, eh? You sly dog, you!” 🐶💥

Mr. ViroLiegist: “Well, it’s not quite that simple—” 😐

Mr. Wise to… [Nudges him 😉]

“Not that simple, eh? Say no more! No need to complicate things, right? 🧠 Just throw in some random sequences, patch ’em together 🧩, bit of guesswork, eh? Lovely bit of data stitching – wink wink! 🪡📉

[Leans in] You ever, uh, publish any of that? Eh? Eh? Get a cheeky little grant for your trouble?” 💸📄

Mr. ViroLiegist [Hesitating]

“Well, I mean, we—” 😳

Mr. Wise to… [Nods eagerly 😏]

“Ohhhh, I bet you did, eh? Got your cheeky little funding, eh? 🤑 [Elbows him harder] Lots of papers written 📝, all about nothing in particular – eh? Just a bit of this, a bit of that – wink wink, nudge nudge! 😎

And all without really having seen the little blighter, eh?” 🔬❓👻

Mr. ViroLiegist [Sputtering on his warm pint 🍺]

“Well, we have electron microscope images—” 📷

Mr. Wise to… “Ohhh, electron microscopes, eh? 🧫🔍 [Winks again, jabbing him with his elbow 🫳😏] Big ol’ blurry blobs, eh? Slap a few arrows on there, call it a virus, eh? 🟢🔴➡️ Lovely bit of science, that! [Sits back, smug 😌] Can’t argue with that now, can you? Science at its finest, eh? Say no more!” 🎓😂

Mr. ViroLiegist [Confused 😵]

“I—”

Mr. Wise to… [Leaning back in satisfaction 😎]

“Ohhhh, you’re a sly one, mate. Absolutely love it! Nudge nudge, wink wink!” 😁😉

📽️ [Fade out, as Mr. Wise to… smirks knowingly 😏 and Mr. ViroLiegist squirms uncomfortably 🥴]

Geoffrey Newton's avatar

Dr. Kary Mullis Nobel Prize for PCR, made it clear that PCR cannot be used to test whole viruses, ONLY viral sequences of nucleic acids that most viruses share, for example; gp120 envelopes is found in SARS2 and HIV, so what exactly are we looking at?

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